What made you laugh today (2) ?
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an oldie, but a goodie
The Blonde Mortician
A man who just died is taken to the local mortuary. He is wearing an very expensive and high quality tailored blue suit.
The mortician is a blonde female and she asks the wife of the deceased man wife how she would like the body to be dressed.
The motician says that the man does look very distinguished in the blue suit he is already wearing.
His widow, however, says that she always preferred her husband in black, and that she would like him in a black suit.
She gives the Blonde mortician a signed, blank cheque and says, ‘Spend whatever you need no matter what the cost, but please have my husband in a well tailored black suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the viewing and to her delight, her husband dressed in a fabulous black suit. The suit fits him as if it were tailor made.
She says to the mortician, ‘You have done a magnificent job and I’m very pleased and grateful. How much did the suit cost?’
To her amazement, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank cheque.
‘There’s no charge,’ she says.
‘No, really, I must repay you for the cost of that exquisite black suit!’ she says.
‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost me nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in yesterday shortly after you left, he was dressed in a very attractive black suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a beautifully tailored blue suit instead, and she said it did not make any difference as long as he looked good…
So I just swapped their heads.’
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A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have sex. After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $120
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My wife and I recently had a little holiday at a hotel for our anniversary. One morning for breakfast she said why don't we sit outside on the balcony? So we did. I said "You know that 25yrs ago we would be sitting here naked". So we wiped off our clothes and enjoyed the sun shine.
The wife looks up at me with a smile and says, "My nipples are as hot for you now as they where 25yrs ago".
I'm not surprised, as one is in your coffee and the other in your oatmeal.
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I didn't think it was Legal to sell the scrapings off the floor and the crap out of the bin!
I'd also query the labelling on that tin to see if it leaves the company open to liable... surely the majority of Thai people are not proud of that product
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IMO that's the perfect salad. 10/10
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It's funny because it's true
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I love pineapple on (some) pizzas
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Except for the droopy bits on the side, i kinda agree with this one.
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